The Crappest Story Known To Man Or Vampire
by LililolipopD
Summary: This story is a writing exersise that I did because I had Writers Block -WARNING-Not To Be Taken Seriously At All!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey it's Me Lil! Now this is a story not to be thought of as good, I am kinda suffering from writers block and I read somewhere that if you write whatever comes to your mind you can cure it!**

**I have read this to my Brother and he said to put this on fanfiction... SO I DID!**

**NOW ENJOY THIS PIECE OF CRAP!  
MUAHAHAHAHA**

**LE-EVIL-LINE**

My name is Sarah Spogglewash and i am a spoon inventor i have made a lot of spoons but knives are my favourite, I have 17 dogs and one cat who's name is Mr Personcat and he says moo, also I am a vampire. Everyday when I wake up I do a dance to wake me up so that I can go spoon inventing. Oh would you look at that I just got a text from my Boss saying that I'm fired. Oh well, now I have to sell my dogs and cat so I go to the pet shop were he says my dogs an cat are a piece of crap but gives me 9 euros anyways. Outta this money I buy 8 scratch cards and a packet of crisps i take one of the crisps outta the bag and scratch the cards with it .When I'm on my last card my BFF Daisy comes up to me... she is also homeless ... "Watcha doin?" She askes me, I look up at her and say "I'm homeless and I want to scratch my card" So she lets me. I scratch it and It's two 1000000000000000000000000's I think this is a big piece of crap that is designed to make me lose so I throw it away. a guy picks it up and scrtches the last number and screams halelujah and jumps for joy. I ask him "What is wrong with you?" and he says he just won 1000000000000000000000000 I then tackle him to the ground and steal it. He mumbles something about never trusting a homeless person so I give him the british finger. Daisy walks with me over to the bank an i get my money ...

**Three years later**

I have a big Mansion and three waitors called Tulio and 14 maids all called She-she, wierd huh? Well anyways I go to my pool and jump in only to find that it is frozen over because it is the middle of December.

I then go inside and drink some choco wen I get a text it is from my ex boss saying that he wants me back at the spoon factory. I text back 'go f**k yourself' but he said 'I will do it for you' wich is wierd because he is a fifty year old man... I black out suddenly and wake up with a bag over my head somebody takes it off and I see Patrick Lee and Larten Crepsley in front of me, I piss myself and shit my dior chanel 1000 euro one of a kind pants and realise that Larten has a knife in his hand he drives it into my belly... but it doesnt go in he suddenly proclaims his love for me and we get married the next day and I can have children so we have 14 babies... THE END... NOT... suddenley Mr tiny jumps into the fridge and comes out saying "ITS A TRAP" Suddenly Randel Chayne, Gannen Harst, Steve Leopard and Daisy jumps outta nowere and kills all my babies and Mr Peoplecat 2 then Randel and Larten fights to the death and nobody wins, they both die and i have a heart attack ... THE END... NOT

**No POV**

When everyone is dead Steve and Daisy passsionately make out and have loads of babies because daisy can have babies too and Gannen then buys a pineapple hat and does the makarena... THE END... SERIOUSLY

TADA

THE END... FINALY

**And that is what happens when I get writers block yeah...**

**Anyways if you surprisingly like this story please review if you don't... well still review T**

**TADA**

**Lil xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey Here's another piece of crap that you all will hate me for :) Oh yah and 'Lol' Thank you for your Review It inspired me to write another chapter for this piece of shit so thanks :D Here's a cookie (::)**

**And whoever Reviews first will get a Virtual Cookie and a Virtual Brownie and a virtual hug, Second place gets a Cookie and a hug and Third place gets a Cookie :D **

**Anyways Please Read and Review :D**

**LINE**

When I woke up this morning I drank some Red Bull and had a spazz attack then I started chuckling like SpongeBob Squarepants. My name is Bobbins Mcgregor-Mckenzie-Dorito-Mary-Donny-Sue-Bobby-Ovo-Avril-Christina-Marie-Anne-Cretin-Linda-Shania-Ender-Fergie and I have two statues of my ex-girlfriend, who I am stalking. One day I went outside to look through her bins for some toe nail clippings to sniff, when I saw something I was not supposed to see, I then smashed the window causing her to scream and hide her frying pan that had some leftover pancake on it. "How could you make pancakes without telling the pancake police." I screamed. When I got home I started smashing my lamps, I was so angry (I have a lot of lamps). So then I went to my BFF Darren's house and played some 'Assassins Creed: Black Flag'. I then realized that I was over my ex-girlfriend so I watched some new Family Guy, I LOL'd and threw a brick at the wall. THE END…NOT REALLY!

Two weeks later I realized that Darren was sleeping with my new girlfriend Debbie, so I smashed his head in causing him to die so the vampire princes came and tried to kill me, I begged for forgiveness but they only said it was that or the trials of death so I did the trails of death and my new friend Harkat Mulds jumped in before the Emos could attack me and then I became a prince because I killed Harkey :D

Three days later Mr. Tiny came and ate my cookie because he is a douchbag D: I then killed Mr tiny and I had to run away because he owed some vampires money and now he wasn't going to give it to them… y'know… cuz he was dead… and I killed him…Yeeeeeah…

Anyways I then met Debbie again and married her cuz she begged my forgiveness and we later found out Debbie was the heir to a crown and we were king and queen of the place so the vamps came to us and became our slaves.

THE END

**LINE**

**TADA!**

**Lil xxx**


	3. HAI

**Hi heres another piece of crap for you to enjoy XD**

**LE_LINE**

Once there was a dragon called barry and he liked to knit purple sweaters for charity. Barry owned a book shop but he had to sell it because his tail kept on knocking over piles of books he just tidied.

Barry is now jobless and goes in search of work. He tried working at a soup kitchen and that worked out for a while but his tail kept knocking over the barrels of soup and the homeless licked it off the floor and got sick…

So he looked for another job. He found a job at a local supermarket but he kept on sneezing and putting peoples money on fire. So that didn't work out…

And he looked for a new job. He got a job as a teacher and that worked out for awhile until one of the students didn't do their homework… to say the least… R.I.P Mary Price…

Barry thought it was hopeless to find a job so he gave up…

So Barry got fat… And lazy… And smelly… and got evicted from his flat.

**Three Months Later**

Barry was lying on the streets, giving people a ride on his back for money, when a short little man in wellies walked up to him.

"Hello Dragon how would you like to kill a boy named Darren Shan for me?" Asked the short man.

Barry shrugged his shoulders and they where off. But before Barry left he pushed over some bins over. And sure enough a woman tripped over a banana skin and sent her money flying.

Barry snatched it before she could say something.

**LE_LINE**

**Ok so Barry was the dragon who snatched Darren up in Lake of Souls if you hadn't noticed.**

**PEACE LOVE AND CHOCOLATE**

**Lil xxx**


	4. Sorry

Dear loyal fans,

I cannot update for a while because I broke my finger, Slammed the door on it. So I will not be updating for a week or two. Sorry :'(

From LililolipopD


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